today I'm off from work
today I really feel like doing nothing. What kind of meditator I am? Not wanting to take this chance and sit in the zendo (meditation hall). That can't be good and I will really regret this when I come back to New Jersey and I'd have to negociate some minutes after the work and digging some extra energy for that.
I saw Kendall again and I'm glad that she liked (so far) what I wrote in this blog. I feel like her - I miss the contact with others here. I thought candidly that coming here would allow me to express all my oppinions and hear other's in a group activity, but Zen has nothing to do with therapy, and ego activity!!!
Kate invited me again to take a hike but I'm not in the mood. I should meditate today. For the moment being, I really want to enjoy my time off. As if I didn't exist for the world around me. When we are off here, we are "invisible" and untouchable. Thinking about writing a story - a science-fiction story, and other things that I lately thought that I'd never try to do again due to the lack of opportunities of publishing or exhibit or so...
That's just the activity of the mind called the "ego". By the way, I always feel glad when people praise any of my skills. For example - yesterday Meghan ( guest student) was telling me how good my English is. I feel then that it is improving now. I can't express how great it feels to know that I can communicate with people in their own language, and hear them say that it is so good... It is an accomplishment of my own effort, although I learned it along the years. Let's not compare my skill with other's.
I feel the day is fading away and I feel so sorry for not having a whole life like this, with plenty of free time to think about Life. The day is so short... Tomorrow I must work again, in the Guest House. I already have a different feeling now, thinking that I'll be leaving soon ( in one week ) and I'll be back in New Jersey. Back to the crazy world of cars, highways, condos, malls, advertising everywhere... In a way, this feeling of impermanence is good, liberating. I could write like Jack Kerouak in " On the road", forever missing to have the repetition of the experience of being nobody for himself - or being totally unknown for oneself, having no past, no future, no name, no personal history. I myself miss that experience, though very short, of waking in the middle of the night, sitting on my bed in the dark, and having erased the memory of who I am. It's frightening...
I saw Kendall again and I'm glad that she liked (so far) what I wrote in this blog. I feel like her - I miss the contact with others here. I thought candidly that coming here would allow me to express all my oppinions and hear other's in a group activity, but Zen has nothing to do with therapy, and ego activity!!!
Kate invited me again to take a hike but I'm not in the mood. I should meditate today. For the moment being, I really want to enjoy my time off. As if I didn't exist for the world around me. When we are off here, we are "invisible" and untouchable. Thinking about writing a story - a science-fiction story, and other things that I lately thought that I'd never try to do again due to the lack of opportunities of publishing or exhibit or so...
That's just the activity of the mind called the "ego". By the way, I always feel glad when people praise any of my skills. For example - yesterday Meghan ( guest student) was telling me how good my English is. I feel then that it is improving now. I can't express how great it feels to know that I can communicate with people in their own language, and hear them say that it is so good... It is an accomplishment of my own effort, although I learned it along the years. Let's not compare my skill with other's.
I feel the day is fading away and I feel so sorry for not having a whole life like this, with plenty of free time to think about Life. The day is so short... Tomorrow I must work again, in the Guest House. I already have a different feeling now, thinking that I'll be leaving soon ( in one week ) and I'll be back in New Jersey. Back to the crazy world of cars, highways, condos, malls, advertising everywhere... In a way, this feeling of impermanence is good, liberating. I could write like Jack Kerouak in " On the road", forever missing to have the repetition of the experience of being nobody for himself - or being totally unknown for oneself, having no past, no future, no name, no personal history. I myself miss that experience, though very short, of waking in the middle of the night, sitting on my bed in the dark, and having erased the memory of who I am. It's frightening...
posted by Alberto | 10:00 AM
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